Choosing Your Circle: Who’s With You vs. Who’s For You

Did you know that there is a difference between people who are with you and people who are for you?

I didn’t understand that at first. I used to believe proximity meant support… that the people who showed up in my life were automatically rooting for me.

And then I learned that some people can be close to you and still not want you to grow beyond where they’re comfortable.

In the early days of building my life and business, there wasn’t much to celebrate. I was still figuring things out — just a whole lot of ideas filled with hours of tirelessly working towards a bigger vision.

Everyone seemed comfortable with that version of me: the one still climbing, still proving, still striving. But when things started to shift, when growth began to show up in my work, my relationships, my peace… that’s when I started to see who was truly for me.

The celebrations were quiet or didn’t come at all. The people who once wanted the best for me suddenly went silent.

The jokes got sharper. The energy changed. There was no malice, just an absence of warmth. And that absence said enough.

It used to hurt deeply.

I couldn’t understand how people who had known my struggle couldn’t celebrate my success. But healing has a way of turning pain into clarity.

It showed me that my work wasn’t about changing them, it was about examining the part of me that still believed I had to earn my place in people’s lives. The part that thought love meant performance.

As I kept growing, I noticed how much peace came with letting go. How calm it felt to no longer chase connection that required shrinking. I realized I didn’t need to convince anyone to be for me… I just needed to stop giving access to those who weren’t.

And here’s what that revealed: when you stop performing for connection, the right people find you.

• The ones who celebrate your light instead of competing with it.

• The ones who hold your wins like they’re their own.

• The ones who can meet you in your growth instead of resenting it.

You’ll know when you find them because being around them doesn’t cost you your peace.

This week’s podcast episode 🎙️

This week’s episode dives deeper into this exact theme — choosing your circle and releasing the need to perform for belonging. I talk about the difference between being supported and being tolerated, and how to build relationships that meet you where you’re going, not where you’ve been.

Listen to the episode →

Honoring yourself through every ending

When it comes to choosing yourself, there’s something I want you to remember: every decision that honors your truth will come with discomfort.

You’ll grieve what you’re letting go of like the people, dynamics, and the old versions of you because they’ve been part of your identity for so long.

That grief doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It means you cared.

Learning to honor yourself means learning to sit in that space without rushing to fix it. It’s understanding that protecting your peace might look like saying no, creating distance, or ending something you once prayed would last.

You will disappoint others by choosing yourself. But you’ll destroy yourself by never doing it.

The more authentic your relationship with yourself becomes, the easier it is to hold that grief and stay grounded in it. Because the clarity you gain from being honest with yourself — even when it hurts — becomes a kind of peace no one else can give you.

And from that place, you stop chasing people who can’t meet you and start making room for those who can. People who match your capacity, your depth, and your willingness to grow.

See you next Saturday ❤️

Suttida

P.S. If you’re ready to stop abandoning yourself for connection, my 4-week deep dive workbook will meet you right where you are. It is self-guided, no pressure, and all about honoring yourself. Get your copy here.