If You’re the One Breaking the Cycle

The moment I knew I was the one breaking the cycle wasn’t loud. It was a quiet decision:

I’m not going to have a relationship with my father anymore.

Not because I don’t care. But because I finally do—about myself.

What came next was just as heavy. I reached out to my siblings, tried to open a real conversation. Tried to name the patterns we all lived through. And what I got back was silence. Ghosting. Distance disguised as peace.

That’s the part no one tells you. Breaking the cycle isn’t just hard, it’s heartbreaking.

If you’re the one in your family who chose to heal, this is for you.

You’re not selfish. You’re not cruel. You’re not too much. You’re just the one who said, “This ends with me.”

And that choice comes with grief. Grief for the father you’ll never have. Grief for the siblings who don’t meet you where you are. Grief for the version of yourself that tried so hard to keep the family intact.

And yet, here you are.

Doing the invisible work no one claps for. Setting boundaries that cost you connection. Choosing your peace, even when it’s quiet and lonely.

Progress doesn’t always look like breakthroughs. Sometimes it looks like not texting back. Sometimes it’s letting the silence be the answer. Sometimes it’s crying in your car and still not chasing their comfort.

And other times, it’s softer. It’s brushing your teeth. Answering one text. Saying no and not explaining why. Letting guilt exist without giving it the wheel.

If you’re in that place right now—raw, unsure, grieving—I want you to know:

You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re just telling the truth. 

And that’s what healing is.

See you next Saturday,

Suttida

P.S. If you’re in the thick of it and want a resource that speaks to the roots, not just the symptoms. I’d recommend What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah.

It’s a powerful exploration of trauma, survival, and how our earliest experiences shape the way we show up.