The Unprocessed Grief of Healing

Much of healing and growing comes down to unprocessed grief.

I spent years as the caretaker, the performer, the emotional offload, and being the useful one. 

I did everything to earn love. I overgave until depletion, and called it love and strength. When I finally stopped, it felt like the whole stage went quiet. The lights stayed on. No script. Just me.

And that quiet felt like an identity crisis. Without the roles and the people-pleasing, I had to meet the parts of me I had abandoned. 

It was not just unlearning. It was grief. Grief for the childhood I did not get. Grief for the apologies that never came. Grief for the safety I kept trying to manufacture by being useful.

I had to grieve the version of me who did not know better. The one who survived by reading every room and meeting every need but her own. 

• I had to grieve the relationship I wished I could have had with my parents. 

• I had to grieve the siblings I kept chasing for connection. 

• I had to grieve friendships that only worked when I wore armor. 

Every loss was real, even the ones that looked invisible from the outside.

Overgiving is not a love language. It is unpaid labor. I had to call it what it was before I could set it down.

What I learned while laying it down

Naming the losses matters. You cannot grieve what you refuse to name.

Grief is not only about death. It is also about the life you never got to have and the self you never got to be.

Boundaries are a form of mourning. Every “no” is a small funeral for a role that once kept you safe.

Compassion is not a loophole for avoidant behavior. Compassion includes you. If you are not in the circle, it is not compassion. It is self-erasure.

Healing does not end. It changes shape. Some days it feels like a soft morning. Some days it feels like old bones that predict the weather. Both count.

A simple practice when the grief is heavy

Write down three things you are grieving. Let them be specific. 

For each one, add two lines:

• What that loss cost you.

• What staying loyal to that loss is still costing you.

Put a hand on your chest. Breathe as if you are showing up late to your own life but still choosing to come. Say this out loud: “I am allowed to stop earning my place. I am allowed to belong as I am.”

This might feel unnatural, but it’s necessary because this is how you begin to reframe how you speak to yourself… that inner-child voice.

If you want to go deeper and work with me

I work 1:1 with a small number of people each month. This is not therapy. This is not a path to fixing yourself. This is deeper work to help you live intentionally, become more aware, and move from survival to a life that actually fits.

Everything is centered around your journey and your path. Nothing is templated or generic. 

The investment is $2,000. It is extensive and intimate. We go into patterns, grief, boundaries, and the daily choices that build a different life. If you feel called, fill out the form and tell me why you are ready for this.

Apply here →

I am not here to sell you a new identity. I am here to walk with you while you lay the old one down.

Keep this with you

You may never get the version of your family or your past that you deserved. You can still build a present that honors who you are becoming.

I am in this with you. Always learning… grieving what was and making room for what is.

❤️

Suttida