Why You Keep Chasing Potential

Love wasn't something that just existed in your world growing up. It was something you earned, waited for, and that showed up inconsistently enough that when it finally arrived, it felt like winning.

That kid grew up… but the nervous system didn't get the memo.

So now you're an adult, sitting with your phone in your hand, trying to decode a three-word text from someone who has already shown you exactly who they are.

And the wild part? You already know. Before you even opened the message, your body had the answer. It's been sending signals for months. But knowing and leaving are two completely different things when the pattern runs this deep.

The addiction was never really to that person. It was to the almost. The moment right before they pulled away again, when it felt like they were finally going to choose you fully.

That specific but fleeting, electric moment felt like home because it was familiar. And familiar has a way of masquerading as love when you've never been shown the difference.

You didn't fall for them… you fell for the version of them you needed to exist in order to finally feel like enough.

Why Growth Feels Like Falling Apart First

Choosing yourself doesn't feel like a glow-up at first. There's grief and guilt for "giving up" on someone you built up in your own mind.

Then there’s loneliness that has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with finally sitting alone with yourself for the first time in a long time.

After you walk away, something settles. And in that stillness, your brain will try to convince you that peace is just boredom in disguise.

But know this: your nervous system is just going through withdrawal.

Let it all move through you without letting it move you backward. Because on the other side is something your body has genuinely never felt before: the specific euphoria of realizing you are no longer available for your own abandonment.

In simpler terms: meet self-worth.

People misunderstand what it means to stop chasing. They think it requires becoming hard, closed off, and too proud to need anyone. 

But emotional stability isn't a wall you build to keep people out. It's the self-honoring decision to stop shrinking to fit into spaces that were never built for you.

You’re able to look at the unhealthy patterns clearly, without shame, and say: “I understand why I learned this, and I'm choosing different now.”

Anger at them isn't required, and neither is anger at yourself. Just honesty about what you've been participating in and a decision to change by breaking out of what’s familiar.

🎙️You Weren't Chasing Love. You Were Chasing Potential.

This week's episode goes deeper into why you keep choosing people with potential over people with presence, and why that pattern has nothing to do with bad luck and everything to do with what you learned love was supposed to feel like. 

Give it a listen 🎧

Nothing is more freeing than honoring yourself enough to know you don't have to keep chasing someone who isn't even choosing you. You also stop outsourcing your self-worth to others and start giving it to yourself instead.

Here's what's true: you were never the problem. You were just loving someone the way you were taught. Now you get to teach yourself something new.

See you next Saturday ❤️

Suttida

P.S. If you've been chasing potential and wondering why you keep ending up hurt, my 4-week workbook is where you start. Clock your patterns, name what's really driving them, and start giving yourself the love you keep trying to find in the wrong places. Grab your copy here.